Depression and finding happiness

Crying Yourself To Sleep

Hey guys.. i am feeling particularly low today.. my heart seems uneasy and i am unable to breathe properly.. i feel as if i am caged. Anyways i thought to bring my mood up I'll write about depression and how to find happiness and some tips on battling it! You guys may be wondering that what does she know.. well i have been a victim of depression.. Coming out to you guys, i would like to say that i couldn't sleep when i had depression,, everything seemed blank and so empty and i also tried to burn myself.. i used to walk to the window and just think about how easy life would be if i was just... dead. but i knew that there was so much more for me to do and that God wouldn't put me in such a situation if there was no way out.. i used to feel that some demon used to come at night and stroke my hair and i could hear these whispers of what a loser I am..

Or some kind of failure! but one day i just cried really really hard cuz i kept shivering all the time and i told my parents i wanted to see a therapist but they wouldn't let me instead they told me that i was their daughter and i am a warrior! i always fought for people and never came a day when i didn't make them laugh! and that honestly made me feel better.. i thought that i had to do it for them but my friends were also so helpful they hugged me and always kept me warm! then after 2-3 days i woke up and i was like what am i doing.. i am so young and there is so much for me.. i thought that i could give so many people happiness and that i could live for myself.. so i felt better! life is way too short to be sad about it! i don't wanna wake up at the age of 90 and look back and think that i had a chance to live to smile to be someone's happiness, to be my own happiness! i started doing things that made me happy i started to wear make up as it is my hobby and i started being myself! i prayed to God all day everyday and He made things so much better i started getting good grades on my test and i felt so good! My parents kept asking me if i was okay but honestly i am glad i went through the phase cuz only people who came out of depression have the feeling of being a warrior and truly know the meaning of happiness! Please don't give up on life there are so many things you are destined to do maybe tomorrow you'll find your first love or one day you'll become a mother or maybe you are in this world to be a successful author or singer! You never know but travel the world, listen to music, spread happiness and find it yourself! EVERYDAY YOU MAKE A CHOICE SO CHOOSE HAPPINESS TODAY! I am gonna leave some posts which helped me fought this terrible phase and some things which made  me happy while i was depressed were:

1. reading a book
2. singing or listening to happy music 
3. dancing to my fav songs
4. taking a good long cold water shower
5. praying to God
6. staring out my window and seeing hoe much more there is to life
7. watching movies
8. eating dark chocolate (has anti depressant stuff)
9. chatting with friends 
10. doing my makeup
11. lastly, watching other people be happy

:D now it's your turn to be happy trust me when i say that don't give up..  me typing this is an example that you can fight it! you are strong and beautiful and it's time to show it! l
leave comment saying whatever you feel or give some more tips to be happy or share your own story! Thank you for reading!

xoxo
buhbye readers!

Skin breakouts?? Don't Worry and Read On :D

Good morning guys!!! idk from where you are reading so your time zone might differ so good night and good evening to the other readers! okayy so its early in the morning and i just took a shower and i started thinking, "hmm what should i write about today" and i look across my bathroom and i know it! I am gonna write about lush products and for most of you who are gonna close this tab because you have no idea what lush is or hate it or can't afford it.. I have a few skin home remedies for you :D so pleaseee continue reading!!

 LUSH PRODUCTS!!

Moving on, Lush is a very famous shop and i am utterly in love with their products!! They have the best skin and hair products but the downfall is that they are REALLYYY EXPENSIVE! So i am just gonna give a short review about the products i could afford from lush, and then i'll tell you some things which have the same effect but can be done at home with no loss of money :D So let's get started!! 
Firstly, I am gonna talk about the heavenly product, 'Let The Good Times Roll' :D okay so this is a cleanser/exfoliating cream and it is the best!! It smells like butter popcorn <3 and leaves an impact on your face which makes it feel fresh and soft! It also hydrates the skin so YAYAY! :D i advice you guys to tell the lady for assistance to tell you what's best for your skin and don't shy away! :D but i definitely recommend this product!!!   
Secondly, the other product is the Cupcake face mask!! This product is truly amazing and i recommend you guys to buy it!! it leaves your face so fresh like you just woke up from a nice good sleep! If you suffer from oily or spotty skin, this is the best choice!! Anyways that's the only 2 products i have used which i so love but one Curly Wurly coconut shampoo really left me disappointed as it had no great effect or change.. Plus i use some home remedies which have a way better effect so yeah! anyways let's get on with the home remedies and pleaseee tell me which lush products i should use?? And let me know if you have tried any of these <3 

SKIN AND HAIR HOME REMDIES!! :D

Okayyy, firstly i use this home remedy when i have reallyyy dry skin, all you have to do is to take some honey and add it with a little bit of sugar then mix them both and apply it for 15 minutes and rinse!! :D there you go, the smoothest skin of all!! 

My second remedy is also for my face but i use this to have a glowing and shining face and trust me when i say is works!! 
Here is what you need: 
1 cup gram flour then add some milk into it until it has a paste like face, slowly add 2 teaspoon honey and 1 teaspoon turmeric powder.. smash 3-4 almonds and add them in if you want you can also add 2-3 drops of lemon but do not over do it.. and there you have it!! The ultimate face mask!! Note: do not overdo the turmeric or the lemon and only add lemon if your skin isn't sensitive.. 
My third remedy is for my annoying blackheads.. sigh :/ for this you have to crack an egg and separate the white transparent part carefully from the egg yolk! then take the white transparent part type of liquid on a brush and apply it to the part you have blackheads then take a tissue and put it over the egg liquid then repeat the same procedure by applying the egg liquid on the tissue and another tissue on top.. Leave  for 15-30 minutes!! then remove!! and 50 percent of your blackheads are gone :D 
My last hair remedy is to mash half a banana in a bowl, add a table spoon of olive oil, 1 tablespoon mayonnaise, 1 teaspoon honey, also add the white transparent egg fluid, (haha i know it sounds yuck but the results are promising) and yogurt (or cream milk) !! and thats it!! your hair will be shining when you are done and don't overdo the banana cuz it's reallly hard to get out of the hair! Anyways that's all!!!  My last tip would be to drink lots of water!! and to apply rose water on your face now and then!

If you guys have better remedies please comment!! and let me know if you tried any of these? :D 

xoxo 
Buh-bye readers! <3

MY REPORT CARDS ARE HERE 😁

Heyy guys so my report card is here 😭😭 actually I'm pretty happy because I increased by 10 marks in biology and English compared to my first term! Can you believe it guys?! ❤️

Although my marks still need improvement, I got 84 out of 100 as a final average. My mom was really disappointed but my dad as always was cool with whatever I get!! And GOOOD news!! My dad is coming back on Monday 😃 I also have 5 quizzes coming up this week ugh I hate it when they suddenly give 300 quizzes together like can you tell us from before?! My school doesn't have any system it's like you can have 10 quizzes in a day and after 3 months we have an exam 😁sigh.. Okayy so let's talk about something else!! Well you guys today Abby and Lizzy (2 best friends) had a fight! Cuz Lizzy owned Abby and Lizzy was like omg I owned her so bad. repeatedly and she kept exaggerating so then Abby got angry and she screamed at her in a really harsh voice sigh.. But in the end it was all good 😃

Ohhh and I had a fight too with Penny. Actually Penny always has this urge to give expressions like her facial expressions are really mean and she always makes some mean expression and today I was like what the heck like I did something and she made the meanest expression. Sometimes I just wanna tell her how mean she can be. I mean she is really nice and all but seriously.. Even when I told her that it was a little mean she shot me one of her other mean expression. I don't think she realises tho. Sigh... This is the reason Lizzy doesn't tell Penny most of the things like Lizzy has hid a lot of things related to her boyfriend, from penny because of her being judgemental all the time... Sigh anyways all is good now 😃 Today I was also angry about something else actually I never bring money to school cuz I have a goldfish's memory so I forget, anyways after school finishes most of my class goes to the grocery across school so I forgot to bring money actually I never bring it cuz my mom is really tired in the morning and we all forget but they always taunt me and I never mind cuz we are all friends but Lizzy goes overboard it's been a year since she is saying it and now it's just annoying... Like stop. I also hate it when I bring a new pen and my friend goes like I lost one so this must be mine..? Like check and make sure they think I always take pens and pencils I mean they're always kidding but you shouldn't go overboard. So yeah guys make fun of your friends but don't do it overboard until it' just seems annoying and gets on your nerves. Okayyy guysss feeling good after taking all my anger out. I may seem mean and all but I'm actually a little too blunt. Anyways thanks for listening!! Please leave comments!  

xoxo

Buh-bye readers 😘

Dreamer

HEYYYY Readers!! Okayy so today i am basically just gonna discuss other points about your anonymous blogger (me) :D Okay so I am gonna talk about my favorites in everything so lets start!! 

Favorite Youtuber: Tanya Burr or Thatcher joe <3 these two are the cutest British you-tubers and i just love everything about them. I aspire to be like tanya burr one day <3

Singer: Demi Lovato <3 

Showsss: Arrow!! OMGGG OKAY so please tell me one of my readers watches ARROW ON CW so I can discuss the show's latest developments xD I also watch Flash, Reign, Once Upon A Time, Supernatural!!! I was obsessed with the show Supernatural but now i ma up to date sadly... I tried watching Doctor Who but gave up cuz it wasn't the type of show I would enjoy sigh.. I have also watched some anime like Bleach and I am totallyy in love with it!

Okayy so I am not gonna mention my favorite sport for some anonymity reasons BUT a sport I have been trying to learn all my life is archery! I haven't even began to learn it cuz of school but i really wanna join a club and learn how to hold a bow and STRIKE!

Books: I LOVE READING ALL Romance and Fantasy genre books! They are the best.. Rn I am reading a Youtuber's book but I am going to reading Morning Glory and some other romance based novels :D so I'll let you guys know how it is and if it's really good I will write a review or recommend it :D 

Movies: Hotel Transylvania !! And um all movies with anna hathway or some random chick flick movies are my fav! <3 Lemme know in the comments below if you guys want me to recommend..?

Hobbies: I loveeee doing make up!! believe it not i have over 50 nail polishes and all make up products.. My everyday look is to wear a subtle foundation matching my skin color.. A blush on my cheeks and a little bit of highlighter with a tinted lipbalm! <3 

Okayy now I am gonna tell you guys what i wanna be when i grow up! Okay my dream job includes doctor, interior designer and actor!! I also wanna be a teacher and teach sociology (which is a subject which teacher gender equality and all) Okay!! Now you guys may wonder why.. Well my mom's dream is to see me a doctor so I am gonna just do it for her.. A lot of you might be like why? this is your life but my parents have done so much for me and i owe them back this much..! Plus  I am only gonna take the degree for doctor studies nothing else then I am gonna go into an institution and learn interior designing cuz of my need to do something artistic yet different! Also, I wanna be an actor because I wanna be famous :P and i think i have the acting skills and confidence.. so who knows maybe one day your blogger will be a famous actor! Haha.. Okay so for many of you realist readers it may seem impossible but I am a dreamer and i think anything is possible <3

Okay this last paragraph is a little deep for me to confess.. I am gonna talk about my love life.. Okay so i have a crush on this guy for like more than 2 years now, he is a really close friend umm lets name him Royce.. Well Royce has been my dream boy for about more than 2 years yet i can't seem to look in his eyes..! Now you might think what's the big deal just go tell him?? Um i have 0 percent confidence in this matter and sometimes i just start to think what is there in me?? (I mean what makes me different from the others. (Who else thinks likes this?? Lemme know in the commets below) I mean why would someone like him even think about liking me.. Plus Royce usually thinks about beauty on the face but i really don't think i have it.. like there isn't even the slightest chance.. However Penny (my best friend) thinks we are 'made for each other' but I'm pretty sure we aren't.. I want someone who cares about Inner beauty and isn't judgemental.. sighhh anyways thats all for today's blog and that's all about mee!! From tomorrow I'll write as a journal!! And since tomorrow is Friday we'll discuss a serious topic!! Guyss please comment I really wanna know what you think or how i should improve.. Please don't shy away!! Thanks <3

xoxo

Buh-bye Readers!

FIRST BLOG!!

Okayy so I have spent the last 20 minutes thinking of a innovative way to start this blog,, but you know what? I thought I'm not gonna make this blog a pre-planned type of thing, just like I'm gonna  come and rant about life! I won't use the best vocab or anything! anyways i have started this blog, now you may ask why? Well because I really need to tell someone about my life and feel lighter. I know i can write a diary but i always forget to keep track and while vlogging i feel insecure in front of the camera.. OKAYY so let's get on with MY LIFE umm I am an average 15 year old with alot of teenage drama and I am gonna keep this an anonymous blog so you can call me umm... Emily! Okay so supposedly my name is Emily and for all you know i might be in China or the UK! Haha the reason i wanna keep it anonymous is because i don't want anyone pointing fingers at me although i couldn't care less about what people think. Getting on, my personality is really bubbly and confident.. I am a popular girl in school not like a show off popular but people know me and I am really good at socializing.. I am not exactly a straight A student but i really care about my marks! Nope not a nerd either, but i guess you can't exactly pin me down.. Moving on, The only thing which depresses me or is able to bring down my confidence is being called the three world letter... "F.A..T' okay SERIOUSLY!! To the people who think its funny to call a girl fat just stop,, being called fat is breaking a girl's self esteem in manyy ways. Anyways I'll discuss this topic further in another blog! Back to the point, yup.. I am fat but NOT the obese way but like the overweight way and it's because i have a curvy body, fine face (not to show off but so i have heard) and a good height i manage to look thinner but I am going on a diet so let's see.. And what else is there..  Okayy now I'm gonna talk about family and friends. Hmm my family? Okay so I have one older sister, Emma, who is applying for universities in Europe! She is simply the best and we both went to the same school and she is the reason I am friends with most of the seniors and popular.. she is a straight A student which makes me feel a wee-bit obliged to get the same marks and she is so responsible like she manages so many school competitions and her work and her social life.. like HOWW?!!! Anyways i was really angry at her today because that loser ate the food I've been dreaming about all day. Moving on, my dad and I are THE CLOSEST FATHER DAUGHTER ALIVE! I simply love my dad and we share everything in common from face features to secrets xxx THE only reason i get annoyed from my dad is when he is too happy in the morning and I'm really grumpy in the morning also he has this habit of always passing around orders like ugh! and his dream is to see me get thin! i think he cries worrying about me but my mom knows everything will be just fine! MY MOM!!! THE SWEETEST HUMAN BEING ALIVE!! She will literally do anything you ask and cooks THE best food! I think she feels bad that I am more closer to papa sigh,, anyways she knows i love her btw right now my dad is in the home country so I miss him dearly! ohh talking about my homecountry my grandad lives there and i haven't seen him in ages.. We have quiet a large family.. for about more than 80 people in my motherland and even in such a household I am my granddad's favourite granddaughter and he is my life!! I loveee him just talking to him over the phone makes me tear up cuz of the distance.. sighhh OH I ALSO LOVE MY COUSINS!!! AND WE ARE LIKE SIBLINGS RAISED UP IN A STREET TYPE OF NEIGHBORHOOD!  Anyways coming to my freindsss! I have 2 best friends, 1 semi best friend and 3 close freinds and the rest of the people in my class are also my really good fiends! The closest of my 3 best fiends is Lizzy she is simly the best!! We share the same sense of humor to the same sense of fashion!!! There are no secrets between us! We are like crazy soul sisters! The only annoying thing about this bestie is that she might be too into her boyfriend Jack and can be a little selfish like not to me but to other people!! Anyways i love her unconditionally and wouldn't change her for the world! Okayy now its time for the second Penny!! Penny is a really sweet soul and will always be there for you she is like selfless! but she is a little too judgmental and strict, she also stresses alot which makes a person like me who is tension free really annoyed! Anyways the semi best friend is like she knows everything and all but we have never called each other best friends so idk, her name is Abby she is soo sweet and caring! When we are together we have a lot of fun but we both fight alot! Sighh anyways all 4 of us are a gang and when people see us they know we are inseperable <3 i had one more bestie but she moved to pak :O okayy that's all for today's blog i don;t know if anyone is even gonna read this but it makes me feel way better maybe someone across seven seas knows about me  :O :O  haha okay so for the next blog i'm gonna talk a little more about me then the drama and then this will turn into a kind of journal and on a special Friday we'll discuss some serious topics!! So guyss what do you think about my blogs?? Lemme know down in the comments and if you want me to discuss something special also leave a comment below! <3
xoxo
bye bye readers! <3